As you are building your business you will have setbacks, challenges and disappointments along the way. As my business coach says, “Failure IS an option. You will fail your way to success and can’t avoid it but if you do the work, keep working on yourself and never quit, success IS inevitable.”
Along the way you will have people (potential clients/customers) make promises to you but never follow through on them. They will say things like, “I will get started with you on Friday or on payday” but payday comes and they go into the witness protection program.
Also, some will swear up and down that they will be your best client/customer you ever had but when the first sign of adversity hits, they are gone with the wind.
Why is that?
Why would some seemingly good-hearted people say to you one thing, but do another?
Well, there are many factors why people would do this but from my experience it all comes down to their habits and primarily one thing:
Most people and I mean about 99.9% of what we would call “wishy-washy” or for a lack of better term “flaky liars” have a history of failure habits largely caused by FEAR.
Fear is largely the cause of this and mainly the things people fear are not real at all. In fact, we don’t even fear what we actually fear.
Let me explain…
You see you might have heard that people fear change, people fear failure, people fear this and that but actually it goes much deeper than this.
It’s true that people do fear those things but what people actually fear is THE FEARS OF FEELINGS.
Let me explain…
When someone says to you, “I will get started with you on payday” and payday is a couple days away some internal triggers has started.
First, they have made a bold decision to change their life in some capacity. So by nature, the conscious (programmed from the past experiences) mind begins to kick in with some fears like:
“…what if this doesn’t work?”
“…you tried something like this before and you failed.”
“…what if you lose your money?”
You see an “undeveloped” mind that has been dominated by failure and poor habits that has caused the failure up to this point in their lives can for the most case override the “emotion” and “elation” someone is feeling when they made the right decision to change.
You see whenever we have “time” and “space” after a decision and the individual doesn’t take all the actions and steps right then to move forward and delays it for whatever reason (waiting on payday, etc), these failure and fear based thoughts begin to dominate their thinking and since thoughts ARE things, they become real to that person.
To make things worse is to have this person tell someone else or a relative who has an undeveloped or skeptical mind about the decision they have made. Usually, this doesn’t turn out well either.
The other person is sure to “throw salt” or in this case “more fear based thoughts” toward the individual desiring change.
They might say, “How much are you going to spend to do this? Wow, that sure sounds expensive! Are you sure you want to do this? I heard from “such and such” and they lost $$$$ doing this. I don’t know. Good luck with that.”
And now the person has been infected with more fear.
So, let’s get back to what people truly fear….THE FEAR OF FEELINGS.
With the examples illustrated above, what people truly fear is the feeling of “failure”.
Your thoughts are, “what will others think of me if I fail? I will be so embarrassed to tell my family and friends if this doesn’t work out. They will ridicule me if I lose my money.”
And on and on…the feelings of the fear is what people want to avoid since fear is not real at all. Fear is just F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal
However, the feelings of the fear are real (to that person) no matter how off-based and untrue they are.
So how does one deal with people like this?
Well, there are a couple of remedies.
First, is to have UNDERSTANDING. The person being dominated by fear should understand that these feelings are natural because our conscious minds are programmed to protect us from change.
Our programmed conscious mind want to keep us safe and in a comfort zone. That’s by nature but if you continue to do the same thing over and over and over, you will get the same results…by definition that’s insanity to expect otherwise.
So, if you want to change your circumstances, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES.
You can replace those feelings of, “what will others think of me if I fail” with “what will others think of me when I succeed? I will be so proud and excited to tell my family and friends and they will praise and congratulate me because I stepped out and made this happen. I am so glad I didn’t allow fear to stop me from my dreams.”
ALSO, what I sometimes help my clients and potential clients do to get passed these feelings that are holding them back is a technique called the “Peace Process.”
For the sake of time and this technique is much more effective when I am talking to someone rather than typing, but essentially, I help people become one and centered with those feelings and instead of trying to “repel” or “remove” that feelings with discipline or force, we instead begin to appreciate those feelings and show them love.
Through this process, the feelings typically move around in the body and eventually goes away. Now, this can happen instantly or it could take some time but eventually through practice and repetition, it dissipates and the person becomes at peace with making a decision with moving forward.
And PEACE is the place and state that everyone wants and need to have in order to attract success…long-lasting success!
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